And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
