On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
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