Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
