I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
