We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
