Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
