you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
