She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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