i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
