The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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