oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
