I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
