I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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