Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
