Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
