She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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