once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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