There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
