the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
