a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
