You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
