When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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