dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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