how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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