speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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