Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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