Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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