There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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