So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize