Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
