I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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