You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
