my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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