You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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