we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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