I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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