the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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