There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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