What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
