does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
