sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
