I bet he comes in French.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
