I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
nutella sex= disaster
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
