So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
