im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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