I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
