Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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