Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
