Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
