And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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