I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
