Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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