phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
