I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
