Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
