You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
