i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Four minutes until I can fart!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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