Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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