he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I seem to have left my pride at pride
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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