I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
