you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
