I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
