Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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