Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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