Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
