YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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