Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
