You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
