Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
