So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize