So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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