We named our party play list daddy issues
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
