Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize